Our Story...

As I sit here writing this we are just weeks away from meeting our little miracle. I went back and forth whether or not to share such an emotional and personal story for everyone to read, but I always vowed that I would not hold back the goodness of God and thus find myself here sharing our story. 

After years of believing and praying for a husband I finally met him in January of 2012 and we were married in February 2013. While we were engaged we agreed to start trying for a baby right after the wedding. I was absolutely certain we would have a honeymoon baby. Well a month after our honeymoon there was no baby. 

The next month came and no baby and then the next, and the next, and the next and still nothing. I told myself after 8 months I would go see a specialist. Well 8 months came and I just could not drum up the bravery to face whatever reality laid before us. Every night was another night I cried myself to sleep in complete and utter confusion as to why this was happening. We prayed, waited, and believed, yet it seemed nothing was happening. Each day I faced the struggle of trying to pretend that everything was picture perfect, while caring such a deep, heart wrenching secret. There wasn't a day that went by where I wouldn't cry out to God.

For the most part I held on strong, but there was one Mother's Day I just couldn't bear and found myself sitting in my mom's walk in closet crying hysterically as both my mom and sister-in-law cradled me. At that point I wanted to just give up, but there was still a deep fight in me. My sweet husband would always tell me "Honey, it WILL happen". My heart was ripped apart. 

I would like to say that after a while it got better and easier. It didn't. There were many sleepless nights. Days of being drowned in humiliation of all the questions. This lasted for about 2 years.

 I finally gathered up enough strength to see a specialist, who is utterly amazing! He was so gentle and compassionate with me always having a plan of action if something didn't work. I went through 2 months in and out of the doctor's office sometimes twice a week doing test after test, some so excruciating I didn't think I could do it anymore. 

Then one Wednesday morning I was in a staff meeting and my phone rang and it was my doctor. I step outside and those words I never thought I would hear came "Hannah we need you to come in to go over your test results". My heart dropped and my entire world became a blur. Everything started spinning while everyone's voices echoed as I feared the worst. 

Finally we had some answers. My body just wouldn't ovulate.  

I was put on medication that made me so sick I didn't know if it was worth it (not to mention very expensive!). We were hopeful and really believed this was it, we were going to get our miracle. Well more months passed us by and nothing. I just couldn't go through anymore testing and negative pregnancy results. This was the moment where I had to let go of all control and let God do what He does best. 

Then one day in the midst of the busy Christmas season I realized I was a day late. Honestly being pregnant never crossed my mind since I had so many failed results. A few more days passed and still no period (sorry if this is tmi) So I gathered some courage and took a pregnancy test and it came back NEGATIVE! I called the doctor's office to have more testing done because I HAVE NEVER BEEN LATE on a period and since I wasn't pregnant I assumed something was wrong. 

I sat in the doctor office shaking. The nurse came running out of the lab, squeezed me, and told me I was 4 weeks pregnant! I was in total shock! Keeping it a secret was the hardest thing we have ever had to do, but we waited until Christmas Day to tell our families and it was truly a Christmas miracle and one we will never forgot. Every heartache and tear shed was worth it. Easy? Absolutley not! But when God is in your boat, He promises you will get to the other side. It may look differently than you have planned it, but God always shows up. 

I am very much aware that there are women still out there struggling with this battle and have undergone more procedures than I ever had to. God is a big God, faithful and true to His word. I don't know why things happen, but I do know that He doesn't leave anything unfinished. I've learned that the things that take the longest from heaven are often the most precious, sweetest, and joyful gifts. Don't give up on your dreams and the desires that are within your heart. Always finish your story and don't settle for half a testimony. 

Lots of Love....

Hannah 

Thank you to my amazing Husband, Mother, Sister-In-Law Carina, and Pastor Venessa Matatia who were always there for me and encouraged me on this journey to becoming mommy. Love you!