Keep Believing, Miracles Happen


Happy Saturday!

Today is a very special day...

It is very rare I do a blog post on a Saturday, but today is an exception. Most of you may already know my story. For those of you who don't know, my husband and I struggled with infertility for two years. Two of the longest and hardest years of my life.

My greatest dream was to be a mommy. After the wedding, I was absolutely certain we would have a honeymoon baby. However, that wasn't our story. 

We walked the long hard road of trying to have a baby. Something I never thought I would have to endure in a million years. Something that is supposed to be so natural for a women, was so complicated and hard for me.

No little girl ever thinks they can't have babies. After about 6 months of trying, I knew something was wrong. However, I did not have the strength to face a specialist, or reality for that matter. Finally after about a year or so, I somehow found the courage to face my fears and make an appointment. Little did I know this would be the beginning of a hard, long, lonely, discouraging, depressing, and sad journey. I was in and out of the doctors office, doing test after test, some that were so painful I honestly didn't know if I could do it any longer or if it was even worth it. To constantly take a pregnancy test and have it be negative month after month really takes it toll on your heart. You lose a piece of yourself. You lose a piece of your soul.

 It's nothing I would wish upon anyone. Your faith it questioned, your character is test, your marriage struggles, and your savings vanish. And you feel like your prayers are unanswered. 

I was done. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep trying only to be more discouraged each time. 

But, there has always been a fight in me. Tucked deep down inside. And I just couldn't give up (I have a really hard time giving up on things or people). At least at the end of the day and when I get to heaven I can say to God, "Well I never gave up and I trusted you." 

So back to the doctors we went. Still nothing. I used to work for my church and Christmas was such a  busy time for us. I was currently planning and preparing for our women's yearly Christmas party. On the night of the event, I stopped at Starbucks to grab a coffee and while I was waiting in line, it dawned on me that I had not gotten my period. Honestly, I didn't think twice and moved on to the million and one things I needed to do for the party. That was on a Friday. Sunday came and I was sitting in church and pulled out my calendar and sure enough I was three days late. Hope burst in my heart. I ran home to take a pregnancy test and it came back...another NEGATIVE result. I literally feel to the floor. I really thought this was it. Why is this happening to me? Why me? What did I do wrong to deserve this? Why does she get a baby and not me? Why is my body failing me?

Well another day passed and I still hadn't gotten my period. I knew at this point something was terribly wrong. Since I started my period as a tween, I have never been late and have always had a consistent cycle. I called the doctor and they told me to come in right then. 

I will never forget that drive. The only way I can describe it is like having a huge diesel truck on top of me. Just heavy. I couldn't even cry at that point. 

I walked in and went through the process like we always did, blood pressure, weight and peeing in a cup. Sorry if this is TMI, but hey we are all women here. 

I sat in the room for was seemed like an eternity. The nurse ran into the room..didn't even knock, which scared me! They always knock before coming in. She yelled "Hannah you are four weeks pregnant" and hugged me so tight I didn't even have a moment to process it all. I think I was in so much shock, I didn't even respond. I didn't even hear or remember everything else she told me after that. I got into my car and sobbed! I was overwhelmed with emotion and the goodness of God. He never fails and never will.

And that was today, 3 years ago. 

I don't know what you are going through, maybe a similar situation or one nothing like it, but you feel so helpless. Keep believing and keep trusting. Your prayers do not fall on deaf ears. I am so glad that I didn't give up. I have this miracle boy who is my absolute everything and more. And he has changed me for the better. 

I have the most incredible reminder every single day, that God is faithful. It may take years, but God ALWAYS comes through.

I am here for any of you who need to talk, I remember feeling like no one knew what I was feeling or going through. Know that there is someone who knows exactly what you are feeling.

Email me, message me...whatever.

Don't walk it alone. You don't have to. 

P.S.
I believe Hudson's jammies are sold out (only available in kids sizes), but I did link a bunch of other mommy and me matching Christmas jammies below!

Loves to you all!



2 comments

  1. Thank you for sharing!! Such a beautiful story during this time of year. I have followed you for a while now and am so glad I do!! If it's too hard to answer please don't, but do you think you will try for another miracle baby? ��

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